For years after returning from Vietnam, I kept my illness hidden with long hours of work, study, sporting pursuits, and anything that produced total exhaustion and allowed me to fall into a bed and asleep. It was a successful ploy... But I was wearing out; my resilience to the flashbacks and nightmares was weakening. Two hours' sleep a night, or sometimes four, was the norm. I became hyper-vigilant, wary of crowded places and doorways, and my general physical health deteriorated... Other veterans I knew well were in mental health care or struggling to work at a job.... Then there were the suicides... I was no longer able to hide Vietnam from myself... One night i Collapsed. I knew I was dying.
